Why am I still up right now?

Yes, I know it is 2:05 in the morning, but I cannot sleep for the life of me. There has been something on my mind for the past six hours and I need to talk about it somewhere. What is that topic, you may ask? Family.

I have not been home in California since December. I got to see my parents a few weeks ago, but those weeks have been very hectic and it seems more like three months ago. I don't know what it is, I just all-of-a-sudden had a burst of homesickness/missing my family. Maybe it was the fact that my oldest nephew was in the hospital a few days ago. Or the fact that my friend got to go home for Mother's Day (which is awesome, by the way. Her mom didn't know and her reaction was priceless). Or maybe it was that one video I watched of a dad coming home from Iraq and his son completely breaking down and crying. Or maybe it is the fact that I get to go home in July and I CANNOT WAIT!!! Or the fact that Mother's Day is this weekend and I miss my mom a lot.

It's a rarity when our whole family can get together. I kind of used to take family for granted (not completely, but somewhat) and now, being away from home has put that into perspective. I miss them, so much. No joke. I love my family. I always have, I always will. We have our ups and downs - like any family - but it's mostly ups when we're all together, I think. I love how someone can say a line from The Sound of Music and the rest of us can finish the scene that the line was in. I love how we have the same sense of humor and how it all meshes together when we start telling jokes or using our sarcasm. I love how I'm an aunt, a sister, a sister-in-law, a daughter, and a friend to my family.

There are so many things I love about the members of my family. To start off, my dad - race car driver, landscape architect, pilot, great example, best dad on earth, and an all around good person. My mom - where do I even begin? She's so many things that I can't even begin to list them. And she has done so much for me that cannot even be explained in words. Both of my parents, in fact. They have done so much for me to help me get to where I am today. They have helped me have opportunities that would not have been possible otherwise. Thank you.

My sister, Jen - pianist, flutist, my big sister, my Harry Potter movie buddy, former drum major, and likes to spoil me. =] She's amazing. Her husband, Adam - smart, went to Australia on his mission, loves golf and motorcycles (or anything with a motor attached, really). Their two kids, Andrew and Sam - I miss being able to play LEGO's with them and just playing with them in general. Apparently, when they go to my parents' house sometimes, they ask my sister, "Is this the time we get to see Michelle?" It almost made me cry when my sister told me that. I love you guys.

My second-oldest sister, Laura - drummer, family consumer science guru, and world traveler extraordinaire. She just blows my mind when I think of all that she has done. Her husband, Ryan - amazingly smart, speaks a lot of languages (I lost count), and a Scrabble devotee. Their kids, Audrey, Chester, and Timothy - they've all been born in different countries, but they're all still sweet and adorable.

My favorite (and only) brother, Seth - computer mastermind, fluent speaker of hilarity, and a great big brother. You get my brother, a bag of Costco rolls, and me in the same room for an hour, that bag of rolls will mostly be gone. His wife, Jenna - favorite sister-in-law, amazing cook, and one of the sweetest people I know. Their kids, Afton and Chase - they're also adorable. They both have dimples. Do you know how cute it is when siblings have dimples together? So cute.

My closest in age sister, Kelly - Mary Kay consultant (pretty good at it, too), history major, and a very good planner of anything. I get to see her the most out of my family, since she only lives about thirty minutes away from me and we have the same job right now. Her husband, Glen - English teacher, technology wizard, and amazing at cooking bacon/meat. Their kids, Sarah, Katie, and James - a blond, brunette, and a redhead. They're fun and very energetic. And adorable. I just have very adorable nieces and nephews in general.

So that's my family, in all their amazingness. I miss them incredibly but I am so excited that I get to see them in about two months. Definitely my motivation for the rest of spring and part of summer term. Sorry this post is so long - it's just, if you couldn't tell, family is really important to me.

I love all of my family, so much, and I just want them to know that.

The Newness of It All

Hello everybody! I cannot believe that it has been over two months since I posted last. It definitely does not feel like that. It feels like yesterday was the beginning of Winter Semester classes and today is the third day of Spring classes. Craziness.

So Winter Semester went well - it was a lot better than Fall (or, at least classes wise). Finals were not as stressful as last semester - which was helped by the fact that I actually studied throughout the semester and didn't have calculus and American Heritage at the same time - and I did very well on the tests. I only know my grade for one class so far, but I feel confident that I will have decent grades this past semester.

Spring Term is going well so far. I am taking Physical Science 100, LDS Marriage and Family (with my friend Chanel Cartier), and History of Creativity. I had them yesterday (no classes on Tuesday - it was awesome and will continue to be awesome) and I think I am going to have fun this semester.

I still have not chosen a major - at the moment I am going between English and Family History. It may change in a week - it has before - and the process of finding that elusive major continues on.

In February, I became a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant. If you had told me a year ago that I would be selling Mary Kay, I would have laughed. But it is one of the best things I have done. I have not really been able to run my business as of yet (there's a "No Soliciting on Campus" rule...), I was able to go to Career Conference with my sister, Kelly. It was the funnest twenty-four hours I have had in a long time. And those twenty-four hours motivated me to actually get into my business and think of it as a job. This is my job, now. And it has been - and will continue to be - an amazing ride.

My testimony while being here a BYU has grown so much. I still have my off days - everyone does - but my testimony is still there. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church on the earth today. We have a living prophet - Thomas S. Monson - leading the church today. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith translated through revelation. I am grateful for Jesus Christ and all that He has done for me and all of those who have lived, will live, and are living on the earth today. He was crucified for our sins and knows what each of us is going through in our lives. He knows me and cares for me. He wants me to return to Him and Heavenly Father. I love the Gospel and know of its' truth. I know that I can be with my family for time and all eternity and that we do live after this life. Without these truths, I do not know how I would be able to function in everyday life. I am grateful for my family, my friends - old and new - and I am grateful for this Gospel.

Hopefully, I will keep this blog more up-to-date and will keep all of you informed with what is going on in my life here at BYU. It will be a fun ride to discover the newness of it all.

Gaining Experience

"[T]he Lord has in His purposes a time when we're called to serve. He expects us to use the talents and experiences He has given us. I'm a great believer that the Lord provides us with specific experiences to prepare is to deal with some of the challenges that we're going to encounter in out own period of service." -Thomas S. Monson (emphasis added)

This quote was in one of my readings for my Living Prophets class. I read it and highlighted it. Twice. It's a deep statement. This idea has been on my mind for the past couple of days. I had a discussion with a few of my friends about this subject, actually, and it was a good discussion.

We are put into situations or given hardships with three ways - our own doing, other people's agency, or the Lord wants to strengthen us with that hardship. When we encounter a trouble in our life, how should we react? Many of us react with the phrase, "Why now? Why me? Why this?" Maybe we should think more towards the idea of "What can I learn from this? How will this help me grow? Did I do this to myself or does Heavenly Father want to help me grow and become a better person?"

Sometimes, life is hard. I know it. Even if your life might not be necessarily hard, we - ourselves - can blow it out of proportion and make it harder. Sometimes, things happen. We might not know why, but we know that with the help from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that we can get through anything.

With all of this in consideration, I sometimes wish that we could ask Heavenly Father if I am going to turn out all right. Where I am going to be in the next few years. Who I am going to marry. How many kids I am going to have. What I will be doing with the rest of my life. What will happen with that friend that I gave a copy of The Book of Mormon to.

I know that Heavenly Father does not work like that - He gives us revelation line upon line, precept upon precept. He gives us what we can handle at that time. He helps us with what we ask for and helps us to the next point in our lives. President Packer says that you have to take a few steps into the dark before you will be shown what way you are supposed to go. Someone else says that God cannot drive a parked car. John Bytheway says, "I will go and do, not sit and stew."  Sometimes you have to take a few steps before Heavenly Father will tell you or show you which way to go.

I have some big decisions in my life right now - where to live next year, what to major in, whether to worry about certain things or not, and how I should treat things from the past, present, and future. These are slightly scary things to worry about and it is definitely hard sometimes. But I know that I can pray to my Father in Heaven and that I will be able to get help from Him with what I need help with. I might not get the help exactly when I want it, but I know that I will get it. I just have to rely on God's timetable and not my own. As Elder Robert D. Hales said in the last General Conference, "Too often we ask for patience that we want right now."

I love being here at Brigham Young University and having all of these new experiences and classes that are helping me grow as a person - spiritually, mentally, and socially. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be here. I miss my family, of course, but I want them to know that I still love them very much. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ is the true church on the earth today and that it has blessed my life immensely. I know that my Heavenly Father lives, loves me, and wants to help me return to Him. I know that Jesus Christ died for the sins of the world and that He rose again and lives. He is my redeemer and I am forever grateful. President Thomas S. Monson is the living prophet on the earth today and I know that he will guide us in today's day and age and not lead us astray, if only we listen to his counsel and that of his counselors.

Sometimes, life is hard. But as long as we know that these "experience[s] shall be for [our] good" and to "fear not what man can do" (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7, 9), everything will turn out all right.

"False Masks and True Colors"

I have genius roommates. Deep-thinking roommates. Inspirational roommates. Lately, we have all been into blogging - well, four of the six of us - and one of my roommates said something so profound that I want to do a post in response to it. She said:
"But sometimes I want to get past everyone’s smiles.  I want to know who they truly are, and I want them to know me.  Why do we put up false masks?  Why are we scared of showing our true colors?" -Ky (Read her entire post here)

That is so true it is not even funny. Here at BYU, everyone puts on a smile to show that they are excited to be here - which we are - and we never show what is really wrong. We never tell anyone what are deepest fears are - the REAL deep fears - and we try to hide our true feelings. It is as if all of us are on one giant first date and "we put up false masks" and are "scared to show our true colors". Yes, we tell our roommates things and we tell our few close friends what is really going on, but we never really tell anyone else. I had a hard time telling my home teachers what I needed help with first semester because I do not usually open up to people in that way. It is uncomfortable to show that part of me to people. Yes, I show emotion. I am not disputing that - for the longest time I was the biggest crybaby. I'm better at it now, but it still comes out sometimes. I show emotion, but I never really tell people what is really wrong. I talk a lot about myself, but it is usually the things that happened to me and not how I really felt about the occurrence. I talk and sometimes, I feel like I should just be quiet and see if I can see people for who they really are. For what they truly believe in and what they really care about and stop talking about me and hiding my true self from them.

I love helping people and I love seeing people being happy. That's just the type of person I am. I love giving service and doing good. I wish I could do more in my days. But the thing is, I get so involved in what I look like and what I am doing and how I am presented in front of others that I do not get to see other people as much. I do not see their true cares, hopes, dreams, or problems. I do not see their struggles and their triumphs. Sure, I see some of them, but I do not get to know the person, help them through it, and celebrate with them when they succeed or comfort them when they fall just short.

It goes back to my roommates quote - we all put up false masks and never truly show are true colors. We are trying to be the best we can be and when we fall short, we either get back up, see what we did wrong, and move on, or we curl up in a corner and give up. We try not to go to others because we would feel weak if we did. If only we could be frank with one another and just be able to tell the whole entire truth about ourselves and have someone else understand where we came from and who we are.

Luckily we do have someone that understands. He might not physically be right in front of us, but we can feel of His love, and the love of His father. I am talking about Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. Jesus Christ is my brother and he understands what I am going through. He suffered for my sins and the sins of the world. He was - and is - a perfect being who took upon him all the sins for everyone everywhere so that we might return to Him and our Heavenly Parents. He understands. We can pray to Him for help and comfort. I know I have.

The reason most of this post is generalized is that I was hoping that someone else feels the same way I do sometimes. I hope that I'm not the only one that feels like this - granted, it's not all the time, just some of the time - and I just wrote how I feel sometimes and did it in broad terms because I did not want to keep saying "I". And I know that all of us feel like throwing up false masks and hiding our true selves from the world and even sometimes from ourselves, but we have to keep moving on. We pray for help, we ask our family and friends for help, and then we do all that we can and pray that Heavenly Father can help us with the rest. I know that things happen and we get down on ourselves sometimes, but we have to keep on going with the help of our Heavenly Father, Christ, the knowledge that they love us, and the knowledge of the Atonement.

Hello, 2012!

So it's the beginning of a new year - new experiences, new "resolutions", new friends, new semester at college, etc. This year is new. With this sense of newness, I have made some personal goals to do better this semester in college and in life. I'll keep those to myself - this is the internet, after all - but I feel good about this upcoming semester. I've learned some lessons from last semester and I am looking forward to fixing a few things and applying things I've figured out to my life. I think that it's going to be a good semester - and rest of the year - in these upcoming months. I'm excited to learn more, have new experiences, meet new people, and grow closer to those I already know.

I got back to college today and I realized that I have missed it. I have missed my roommates - love them to death - and I've missed the view of the mountains and just the area and people in general. It was weird getting books today, though - campus was pretty much empty and it was strange.

First semester went well - I've learned a lot about myself and I have realized some things that I need to change for my upcoming semester. It's a new experience - something that I have to keep telling myself when I am really critical of myself - and it's also a learning process. Learning to do everything by yourself and to not be reminded by your parents is a new thing to figure out, as well as cooking and shopping for yourself. It takes a while to get used to. And juggling your classes, church calling, and social life on top of that (not necessarily in that order) just adds to the difficulty of differentiating between what you need to do and what you want to do. It takes definitely practice.

I look forward to this next semester of school and the goals that I have set for myself to grow more. I'm extremely excited for school and everything that falls under that category - and that includes the stress (maybe not so much like the stress during finals - that was bad - but just good stress...). Here's looking up, 2012, and stepping forward with faith in every footstep and a prayer in my heart.

Happy new year, everybody!

Thankful

Hey guys! It's been a while since I've written, and I'm sorry.  It's been a long month filled with midterms (successful and not so much), speed dating (success! - my friend and I ended up hanging out with two guys for five hours and we had a great time), talking/hanging out with guys, service projects, and numerous other endeavors. This post is probably going to be slightly shorter than the other posts that I have done.

About a month and a half ago, we had a missionary fireside where they talked about mormon.org and how we can use it to help people understand what we believe. Here's my account on that website:
http://mormon.org/me/7HP2/

I got to go home last week for Thanksgiving. The day of Thanksgiving, I didn't really think about what I was thankful for. I'm grateful to be at BYU, but other than that, I hadn't really thought about it. After spending the whole day with my family, I realized that I'm am extremely grateful for my family. That might sound cliche, but I really am. I have missed them and I was so grateful that I was able to spend time with them for the holiday. I'm grateful that I am going to be with them forever and that I've been sealed to them. That is what I am grateful for this Thanksgiving.

Yeah. That's kind of it for now. I'm going to go to bed - it's kind of late here in Utah. Even for freshmen in college, this is starting to push it. Good night moon! (and friends everywhere) =]

Fall

I love the fall. The trees changing colors, the brisk/crisp air, the thought that semester is half over, piles of leaves, the noises leaves make in the wind, Halloween around the corner, Family Home Evening pumpkin carving competitions, General Conference thoughts still prevalent in your mind, and the thought that I get to go home in about a month. All nice stuff.

Here in Utah, there are actual season changes, whereas in California, you have summer, fall, more fall like weather with more rain, then spring-ish, then summer again. And summer isn't even summer. It's two weeks of hot, then two weeks of cold, etc.

But Utah, when it turns into fall, it turns into fall. There's definitely a difference here from the beginning of September to the end of October. The leaves change colors - in California, most of the trees keep their leaves...those darn conifers... - and the grounds crew puts them into piles. It's so tempting to jump into them, but they might not like my roommates and I if we did that. Summer mornings were probably sixty to seventy degrees. Somewhere around there. Late October mornings, not so much - it's like the weather is saying, "Let it snow already!" This morning when I was walking to class, I definitely saw frost on the grass that had not been touched by the sunlight yet. It was cold. Hooray for Land's End sweaters! Those are going to save my life this winter.

The weather here is just so diverse throughout the year. I've only been here since late August, but it's still really fun to go from sweating from just standing outside to  maybe having to take a sweater in the morning to your roommates saying how they have to get to D.I. so they can buy more sweater, socks, jackets, etc. because of the coming cold weather. Personally, this weather right now where it's sunny but still chilly is my all-time favorite weather. It's amazing and wonderful.

And it helps that one of my favorite holidays is just around the corner - Thanksgiving! I'm so excited because I get to go home for Thanksgiving! I thought I was staying in Utah - which I would have been fine with - but I get to go home! I love my parents, so much.

Anyway, I hope all of you have a wonderful day today! Take time to think about the little things in life and how they make you happy! My happiness today is that it's my favorite weather outside right now.


Quote of the day:

"Third, no matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith.

"Fourth and finally, please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.

"Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

"Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints (emphasis added)